Your Brain Is Different. That’s Not a Flaw.

ADHD isn’t a curse or a superpower. It’s how your brain works. And once you stop fighting it, everything changes.

Here’s something nobody really wants to say out loud: when you get diagnosed with ADHD, it’s not a little label you slap on one part of your life and move on. It’s not like, “Oh, I have a peanut allergy, so I’ll just avoid peanuts.” No, it’s your brain. It’s the whole damn operating system. It’s the thing that runs every part of you, from your thoughts to your feelings to your dreams to your traumas to your reactions to your goals. If your brain stops, you’re done. That’s it. So when someone tells you your brain is different, that’s not a small thing. That’s not a little quirk. That’s everything.

And yet, the second you get that diagnosis, the world wants you to see it as a curse. Suddenly, every single thing that’s ever gone wrong in your life is because of your ADHD. You’re told to look at it as the worst part of you, the thing that’s holding you back, the reason you can’t just be “normal.” And I get it. I really do. We live in a world that’s obsessed with normal. A world that is strict and harsh and has a million rules about what you should do, how you should act, and what you should want. And if you don’t fit into that, if you rub people the wrong way, if you’re too much, too loud, too messy, too curious—you get told you’re the problem. You’re the one who needs to change.

But here’s the truth: your brain is just different. Not less, not broken, not defective. Just different. Like there are different skin colors, different body types, different everything. It’s a variation. And yes, it’s a disorder. It’s not a handicap, it’s not a death sentence, it’s not a reason to hate yourself. It’s just a different rhythm, a different way of being in the world.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that ADHD is a superpower. That’s some hyperbolic shit. It’s not like I wake up every morning and thank the universe for my inability to remember where I put my keys or my tendency to interrupt people mid-sentence because my brain is already three steps ahead. But I’m also not going to pretend that it’s all bad, because it’s not. And anyone who tells you that it is, is lying to you.

Let’s get real: your ADHD is in your blood. It’s in your hormones. It touches every system in your body. You can't just rip it out and throw it away. It's not like anxiety or depression, where you can sometimes treat it and it goes away for a while (if you’re lucky). It affects how you age, how you handle stress, how you go through menopause or PMS or whatever else your body throws at you. It's everywhere. And if you don't learn how to work with it, you're just making your own life harder.

So what do you do? You learn your brain. You figure out what you need. You stop pretending you’re just like everyone else and start doing what actually works for you. Maybe that means finding someone who gets it. Someone who can help you stop masking (pretending to be someone you’re not) and start building a life that fits how your brain actually works.

And no, it’s not about loving every part of your ADHD. You don’t have to be grateful for it or build your whole identity around it. But you also don’t have to treat it like the villain in your life. It’s not. It’s you. It’s your curiosity, your creativity, your ability to think outside the box, your weird and wonderful ideas, your empathy, your intensity. It’s part of everything you are.

I'm married to a man who does not have ADHD. He’s the poster child for executive function. He's a workaholic, he could ace a standardized test while half-asleep, he's organized and focused and all of the things that I'm not. And you know what? I'm still the better creative thinker. I'm funnier, I'm more interesting, I'm more curious (all these are highly arguable, and I’m sorry, babe). I'm messier, sure, but so what? That's not the worst thing in the world. That's not a reason to hate myself.

And that’s the thing: ADHD doesn’t have to be the worst part of you. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. You don’t have to hate yourself or wish for a different brain. You also don’t have to believe the world when it tells you you’re less than. You just have to learn how to work with what you’ve got. Advocate for yourself. Get the accommodations you need. Build a life that actually works for you. If having someone in your corner helps with that, someone who understands ADHD, who gets you, and can help you figure things out, then that’s something worth saying yes to.

It's not toxic positivity to look for the good in yourself. It's not ignoring reality to say, “Hey, maybe I’m not just a walking disaster.” It’s survival. It’s self-respect. It's refusing to let the world tell you that you're only as good as your worst day. Because you're not. You're brilliant. Creative. Curious. Caring. Loving. Empathetic. A great friend. A deep listener. All the things no one gives you credit for, because they’re too busy focusing on the mess.

So maybe ADHD isn’t a superpower. Maybe it’s not the best thing about you. But it’s not the worst either. It’s just you. All of you. The good and the bad and the weird and the wonderful. And you deserve to love yourself. Even the parts that make life harder sometimes. Especially those parts. Because they’re not going anywhere. And neither are you.

You’re not just your worst day. Or your diagnosis. You don’t have to wait for the world to change, or for someone to fix you.

You can work with what you’ve got. Build something better. Learn to love yourself a little at first, then maybe more.

You’re not broken. You’re not wrong. You’re you. And that’s enough.

And if you want someone by your side while you figure this out, I’m here.